Love

This is happiness

Warmth, Smog, and Tacos

I'm sad. I'm sad because a year ago I was in Long Beach. A year ago Stevie and I spent ten days with no responsibilities; adventure our only agenda, where the biggest decision we needed to make each day was where to eat. Sure the smog gave me a headache, the water was too freezing to even imagine touching, but it was blissfully relaxing. I mean, we went to Disneyland. What is better than Disneyland? Maybe Disney World. Or Taco Surf.

I dream about Taco Surf. I dream about eating fish tacos on the patio, a gentle breeze blowing away the smog. I wake up craving it at least once a week. It's pain and torture, and I just want a freaking taco. I also dream about the taco stand in Bellflower, with delicious meaty tacos and enough horchata to feel sick. mmmm.

I also dream about finding my next awesomely wonderful pair of boots at Buffalo Exchange. Or spending the day at the Getty only to get yelled at for standing where we're not supposed to. And going to It's a Grind everyday for tasty, fatty goodness. I even miss the smell of burning asphalt.

I'm nostalgic, and despite all the downfalls of Southern California, I miss it. The sun even shines brighter. Maybe I'd like to live there, maybe I wouldn't. But I do really, really want a taco. Chipotle just isn't the same.

Sick Days

I hate being sick. I especially hate being home alone sick. Being sick is only nice when my Stephen takes care of me. But I didn't even bother trying to convince him of that today. Getting older and gaining responsibilities means we can't really drop everything and take a sick day. Or at least he can't. He has to go to work, he has to fulfill his responsibilities, and my illness doesn't merit dropping everything to watch movie all day with me and keep an eye on my temperature.

This whole getting older thing isn't so fun sometimes.

If only I were Irish...

This year is the first year I can actually celebrate. So despite Steve having to work all day, hopefully some sort of fun can be had.

And a very happy Saint Patrick's Day to everyone!!

Dublin, How I long for You

“I left the house in bad humour and walked slowly towards the school. The air was pitilessly raw and already my heart misgave me. When I came home to dinner my uncle had not yet been home…I sat staring at the clock for some time, and when its ticking began to irritate me, I left the room”

my heart is aching

longing for Dublin

to walk down the streets

through the mist,

heavy clouds protecting its charm

taking refuge in a cozy pub,

hearty stew warms my feet,

covered by my rain-soaked jeans

an overflowing pint of Kilkenny comforts my heart

the laughter of the pub regulars calms me

so much unpretentious beauty

it embraces all those who love her

the pull of Dublin overwhelms me

I will come back to you, my love

And this is how it's done

Oh noooo

Worst feeling in the world: looking at the clock and realizing it's 8:30 p.m. and I've done nothing. The worst part is, not only did I avoid my responsibilities, I didn't even have fun doing it. I've literally done nothing.

shit.

Hello Sun, I really have missed you

(gorgeous wedding photographed by Gabriel Ryan)

The weather is beautiful. Not just beautiful, blissful. After a harsh winter, feeling warmth is a gift from heaven. Spring is amazing. Normally Ohio only has a few weeks of Spring weather before it is blistering hot. And then people start complaining about the heat instead of the cold. But now is a time for smiles and thankfulness. I think we should always try to act like it's Spring. Wouldn't life be much more pleasant?

I hope June 13th is a Spring-like day (without the rain, please and thank you Jesus). A sunny day with a gentle breeze. The type of weather where you can just sit on the grass with a cool drink and want for nothing. The kind of day where all you want to do is spin and twirl in the sunshine as it ever so slightly kisses your shoulders and face. And I love when the sun leaves its kisses.

Driving around today made me happy. Despite the traffic, I was happy. I had the windows down, felt the cool breeze, and pretended I was in L.A. Something about California makes me instantly happy. Maybe it would be different if I actually lived there, but every single visit has been glorious. I've been visiting since I was 13, and it never gets old. Sometimes I wonder if Stevie and I ever crossed paths during one of my many visits before we met. We'll never know, but it's fun to think so. A face in the crowd turning into the face I'll see every day for as long as we both shall live.

Life is good. Life is lovely. Life is perfect.

Goodnight Self, We'll Talk in the Morning

Sometimes there are songs, books, feelings, thoughts that are expressed by others far better than I ever could. Sometimes I find things that help me further understand myself. And sometimes it is refreshing to know I'm not the only one...