Mentally Checking Out

Thinking can be dangerous. Rather, pondering can be dangerous. Tonight the words "Losing your mind can be so refreshing" popped into view. It was like they wrote themselves onto the wall, each letter carefully etching itself into place so it could not be ignored. They pulled at each anxiety, each fear, beckoning me to join them in their irrationality. And the truth is, I normally do. There is a promise that behind every emotional breakdown there will be an undeniable clarity.

Not to say that in this moment in life I need a mental breakdown. But there's something so appealing to say "Forget my responsibilities for the day, I'm going to ______ ". We all take mental health days. And during those days, usually a lot is discovered.

I don't advocate ditching responsibilities. But when nothing actually needs to be done, what's the rush? The stress is most likely exaggerated anyways. And there is something so refreshing when ditching everything, and just taking the time to be. I think those are some of the moments when we learn the most about ourselves.

So, as I agitatedly smoked a cigarette, flicking it so hard the butt came off, I knew I needed to do something. Something different, and something I wanted to do. My choices were either spending more money on paints and canvas (which is not different, but it is something I like to do, so it should still count..), or the free option -- starting a blog. Plus, I hate going to gas stations after dark, and I'm on empty. So the option was fairly simple: the birth of this blog. We'll see how far it goes.